what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Like a 5 year-old child sulking at the corner...

That's the closest scenario i could describe about myself during my stay with dad and his family on last weekend. But I guess I did well in covering it up.....*sighs*

I barely could have a decent talk or spending time with dad because of Sandra. Well, Sandra is a 4 year-old hyperactive girl, also the apple in the eyes of my dad. She...is my half sister.

She could be adorable at times, but when her needs are not accommodated, she would throw tantrums and drives you up the wall. Fine, those are the natures of a child. I don't have problem with her except... she hates it whenever dad talks to me or vice versa. I couldn't even get an inch closer with dad.

She even claimed that he's not my dad. o.0
Her mum did warn her for being disrespectful but she couldn't do much about it as dad pampers her too much. Now, am i acting like a child 'whining' here and actually being offended by the words of a 4-year old. Do i sound silly here?????

I just kept it mum whenever it happened...up till the moment where I couldn't really bear it, a tinge of sadness overwhelmed me during our outing. I felt like an outsider at that moment.

I'm not sure if you understand this feeling when you read it.. I've came to the point where so many thoughts were in my mind and with the mixed feelings i had, I almost burst into tears in the shopping mall! Heck.

Firstly, dad was the one who promised me something and mentioned it during our conversation on the phone when he was still in Karratha. But he didn't even mentioned it during his stay here in KL...not even a bit.

Secondly, he used to promise me to attend his elder daughter's convocation no matter what. I was so thrilled to hear it. However, when i heard that he is offered with a job in Qatar and possibly would be leaving in September, i know deep down in my heart, it's happening again...is it hard to keep your promises?? I ask nothing just for him to be my 'dad' for once when i need him.

I was like clinging to his promises to keep me going in my studies during my final semester.... I just wish he never said those words. I'm sick of hoping for something that's not even within my reach.

I don't mean to sound like a ruthless ungrateful daughter, but is providing material comforts is all that he can do after all these years?? Sometimes, I did compare Sandra with myself, never meant to do that but just couldn't help it.

She's a lucky girl to have dad by her side all this while....for the first time, i see dad is being an actual father to his daughter, nurturing Sandra since she's a baby. She reminds me of myself when I was at her age (hmmm, i was raised by my mum after the divorce)... I miss that moment, being with dad.

How life changes just by a twist of fate....but hey, i'm not whining about my life here. I have relent about it long before this :)

Guess I'm just extremely frustrated that i was unable to discuss with dad about my current life here away from my hometown. I just started to fret and contemplating about my future. All i need was a moment with him. But i guess, I'm always alone in everything.

A quote from a friend whom I SMSed earlier on, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!!!!

I'll bear that in mind :)

Enough said! Now i'm back at home, shall get myself busy with my preparations for my meeting with Miss Catherine.

p/s: At last, Avril Lavigne's concert is still going on (29th August) after the whole issues/drama. In fact, guess who voted for her show when the issue is discussed in the Parliament?? PAK LAH!!!! 0.o

Pak Lah said YES to Avril!!!

So, rest assured Avril's fans...You'll be seeing her live and kicking here in Malaysia! Finally....

p/p/s: Here's some photos that i looked up for the Read While Waiting Project @ KL Sentral on the last Saturday.